April 26th - A Special Day

Sita is a very common household name in India. But for me and my family it was a special name and a special person. When she walked into our lives she was a naive, confused 15 year old and continued to be part and parcel of our life for 8years, then she got married and flew away to Kuala Lumpur. That was the special day.


April 26th is an unforgettable day. For me it’s a very normal ordinary day, but in Sita’s life it is a very special day. She is finally meeting her husband in Kuala Lumpur. Lot of women get married and travel short and long distances to unite with their husband, but Sita’s story is not an ordinary one. It’s a story of - I want to be somewhere and do something kind. For a young girl from a village in Nepal having moved to Gandipet while she was a months baby and losing her father at a young age of 15 and is suddenly thrown to the realities of the world – being the eldest with no education, no food or money at home, it is an amazing feat of determination and grit.


For me or rather I should say for us ( me, my husband and two boys, mother and mother -in-law  along with tons of relatives I have) Sita was a family member an extension of my arm. She walked into my life and home to help me with “Chapathis” as we were a chapathi / phulka loving family…and slowly got deeply intertwined with our lifes. I want “allu” paratha? My older son asked and she would say by the time you get ready for school, I will have it ready for you. Where are my socks? My younger son asked. She had an answer. Did you get the laundry done? I asked. She had an answer. Is my lunch box ready? My husband asked. She said yes its on the counter table. Making each and everyones favorite breakfast and sabzi and variety of specials for dinner she could manage- piece of cake for her. When my sons asked they wanted a different snack when they came home after school, she would take the pain to watch the cooking channel along with my grandma ( she was not good at writing or reading, my grandma had a fantastic memory, at ~95 yrs,  and she would make my grandma remember the recipe and steps to make) and cook that for a snack. Keeping track of groceries/ guest lists / laundry lists/ tailoring lists …etc. She was a home manager. My right hand at home.


I learn’t a lot from Sita while she observed me too. She wanted to study and be financially independent like me. I tried teaching her English – alphabets were easy and started to do phonetics and she gave up when it came to complicated words. Then she started learning Microsoft Office so that she can take up a data entry job -figured not her cup of tea, then a tailoring course, a beautician course- liked it but said it was too slow for her, had a dream of opening her own grocery store to be financially independent and  then marry. She set up her kitchen with similar appliances like mine. Would ask me to buy her a microwave / washing machine many handy items at home partly out of her salary.  She loved to dress up very well. Wanted my used nail polishes / lipsticks and designer clothes.  She asked me to teach her driving so that she can drop and pick my kids from school and do all my errands. For an uneducated young girl – I loved her confidence and she in return taught me how to be poised and not stoop even in the case of adversity.


Once she started to become independent and gain confidence, she came to me one day and said, I don’t need a man in my life and I can do everything on my own – scared the hell out of her mother and she thought I was teaching her to be way to confident and independent. Convinced her that it is a way of life we all need to marry and have children to continue the human race. She said she will do it under one condition if I were part of all the “peli choopulu” – initial marriage discussions. She would ask me what should she ask the potential bridegroom or what were the qualities I looked for in my husband when I was in the marriageable age– a lot of young men got scared looking at her confidence, but finally did find  a young boy – a airline turbine repair technician living in Kuala Lumpur, who saw her real strength and beauty. And after 3 years of marriage and being away from her husband, she applied for a passport and then with our help got a Visa – finally flew to join her husband. She was very insistent that me and my husband drop her off at the airport as she said in my own words, we are her parents from another birth and life.


She travelled alone and this was her first visit to an airport / nor take a flight. I drew her pictures of the airport and me and my husband walked and rehearsed with her the whole immigration process – forms filling etc. When she walked into the airport on April 26th - she had the same determination and grit that’s so synonymous of her. She quickly talked to others in the checkin queue filled her own immigration form that she practiced close to 50 times earlier in the day. Only to join her husband. She is a heavy user of whatsapp and at times I was amazed at her usage as she cannot read and write. She leaves a recorded message and her husband and friends all leave her back an recording and she is so quick at doing it that it is amazing how an uneducated women can still find ways to make space for technology in her life. She used to order in bulk with the wholesale dealer via whatsapp voice message and said never had a need to read and write. She found herself new ways to use technology.
Her new dream to open a tailoring shop in Kuala Lumpur and wants to host me and my family at her new home and take us site seeing in Kuala Lumpur. Sita I wish you luck and our blessings are always with you.


For me the new meaning of Sita is – grit, determination, confidence, always find a solution, find ways to learn new skills, keep yourself abreast with technology ( smart phone and whatsapp). She is a huge role model and a household name in her small village close to 3000.


As she moves on in her life – I found a new Sita, who started her journey and training to become a confident woman with us.


A key point to note, only 10% of the Indian population can read, write and send an email. For India to be successful, we need to find ways to get the uneducated become savvy with technology while we work on our literacy numbers – this will truly help in digitizing India.